FILK, TBAY, SHIP: A Christmas miscellany from the Safe House

[Melody <Malady579@hotmail.com>]

No: HPFGUIDX 48673

I know my name is on the post, but I want to say this TBAY has been a
team effort between all three of MDDT from the text to the filks.  I?m
just the one that received the grunt job of posting it.  <g>  Enjoy.
----

Dedicated to the Magical Dishwasher Defense Team Cheerleading Squad
We know who you are and deeply appreciate each one of you.  <hug>

----
Ah, Christmas time at The Bay.  Not quite as ideal as a Victorian
Dickens' version, but hey - we try.

In the Safe House, Melody sat cross-legged on top of the kitchen
counter listening to Pip.  The freshly cleaned out bowl of cookie
batter was balanced in her lap, and she was attempting to scrape out
the last little bits.  Sneeky was currently scampering across the tile
to retrieve the freshly baked cookies from the oven and place them
next to their cooling brothers and sisters.

Pulling together the ingredients to make the last cup of icing, Pip
asked, "I wonder if Snape ever bought Lily a Christmas present [1]?
What would it have been?  Some fiendishly complex potion, I imagine.
Or perhaps he did a Hermione."

"A Hermione?" Melody asked looking up from her excavation of the
cookie dough bowl.

"You know.  When she buys Harry the Broomstick Servicing Kit [2].
Snape would have actually thought about what *Lily* wanted, rather
than buying her the sort of present *he'd* like," Pip explained.

"I bet James would be quite unhappy with Snape then," Melody said.

"Not necessarily.  The students receive their presents at the end of
their bed.  Lily could have hidden it from James, which doesn't need
to suggest Snape and her being lovers behind James' back.  James could
be jealous of their friendship or misunderstand it, so she *had* to
hide the gift from him.  Of course if he found out about this gift
Lily loved so much, his feud with Snape would be fueled further," Pip
said deep in theory thought and stirring the icing absentmindedly.

All this talk about Christmas made Melody think of something rather
needed during this season.  "Pip, are we going to get a tree?" she
asked licking the spatula.

Pip looked up with glazed eyes and blinked a bit at Melody.  After a
moment, she finally realized the girl had changed subjects and said,
"But of course.  Christmas trees are *very* important in a Harry
Potter Christmas."  She returned to the icing and mixed the drops of
color for decorating.  So far, they had the tradition red, blue,
yellow, and green but experimented a bit and got a lovely shade of
violet and a rather amazing cerulean.  Though, in the process, they
accumulated a rather disturbing light grey color icing.

"How do you figure?" Melody asked.

"Christmas trees are so important that they are mentioned in *all* the
books," Pip explained.

"Even Goblet of Fire?" Melody asked, "I don't remember one in there."

"Oh yes.  Even there.  The Great Hall had the usual twelve Christmas
trees, and they were decorated with everything from luminous holly
berries to real, hooting, golden owls.' [3]" Pip said stirring the
icing cups.

"Yeah, McGonagall and Flitwick do seem to like the theme tree idea of
decorating," Melody mused.  "In Harry's first year, the twelve
Christmas trees were decorated in two groups with some decorated with
tiny icicles and others glittering with hundreds of candles [4].  Then
the next two years, McG and Flit went for a unified look with frost
trees for year two [5] and glittering, golden stars for year three
[6].  I guess they like variety year by year.  Well that or showing
off their skills."

The cookie dough bowl was completely scraped clean, so the still
cross-legged Melody leaned over and deposited it in the sink.  From
her bent over state, Melody rested on her elbows and watched Sneeky
pile the cookies on plates.  "So given that Harry has *twelve*
Christmas trees every year, can we get twelve too?" Melody asked
glancing at Pip hopefully.

"Now we may have the biggest house on the bay, but we don't have
*that* much room.  I think one is enough for us," Pip said putting
down her wooden spoon.

Melody frowned, "But how would we get even one?  Does George also have
a Christmas tree tent shop?  He does seem to have a rather
entrepreneurial spirit."

"We just go out and chop our own Mel," Pip explained filling the
decorating bags with icing.  "Here - help decorate the iced biscuits,
and don't worry about the tree.  Things have a way of magically
happening around here."

Melody stared blankly at Pip.  "We didn't make biscuits; we made sugar
cookies.  And why would we want to ice biscuits anyway?  That doesn't
sound too appetizing."

Sneaky laughed.  "Miss Melody you is forgetting.  Mistress Pip is
British.  Her British 'iced biscuits' *are* your American 'sugar
cookies.'"

"Oh - that makes more sense.  Ok," Melody perked up and took one of
the decorating bags as they all drew pictures on the cookies.  Sneeky
was in the middle of creating a rather fetching
werewolf-in-a-violet-dress on her cookie, when a huge crash was heard
outside the door followed by a gruff voice.  "Help...please."

"Coming Mister Wolf," Sneeky called as she reached the backdoor and
waved her hand to open it.  The door swung open to the sight of a
thousand little pine tree branches.  Grey Wolf pushed the tree inside,
carried it to the main living room, and leaned it against the wall.
Pip and Melody looked at each other and smiled.  "See-" Pip said
raising her arms in a right angle frame, "a tree."

Melody was bouncing on the counter.  "Grey, you're back, and you
brought us a tree.  Where did you find it?"

"I wanted to bring you both a Christmas present," Grey Wolf smiled
brushing off the little pine needles from his fur.  "And I found it up
North, of course.  I was happily hunting when I can upon this tree
spotlighted by a sunbeam in a clearing.  It looked so perfect that I
*had* to bring it here.  Now, if you'll excuse me and let me clean up
a bit..."

He disappeared back to his room as Pip and Melody used all their
strength to balance the tree in the little Christmas tree holder
Sneeky found in the cabinet.  After a few precarious moments that
involved many scrapes and a near topple, the tree was safely in its
new home.  The two women collapsed on the couch as Grey Wolf walked
back in the room tying his silk tie.  "You could of waited for me," he
laughed.

"Ah, I love that smell," Melody said breathing in deeply.

"And it barely fits in the room Grey," Pip praised.

"Well in Potterverse often the size of the present shows how people
feel about one another.  Look at the presents the Dursleys have given
Harry.  A series of gifts starting with Vernon's old socks and leading
to a single tissue [7].  Rather puny and insignificant.  This trend in
gift size is also continued with Molly Weasley's Easter gift to
Hermione.  She received the smallest egg when Molly was annoyed with
her [8].  Therefore, I would not want to bring a Charlie Brown
Christmas tree here and have you both think I do not care deeply for
my teammates, so thus - a huge tree," Grey Wolf concluded with an
equally huge smile.

Pip and Melody just smiled back as they all stared at the bare tree.
After a few minutes, Melody was the first to break the comfortable
silence.  "Have we any ornaments?  Lights?  A star?  Seems this huge
gift tree deserves the proper dressings."

Pip twitched her mouth.  "I think we have decorations.  In the attic
most likely.  Sneeky do you know..." but she trailed off.  Sneeky was
currently up in the tree hiding behind the branches.  "Sneeky!  What's
wrong?" Pip asked flabbergasted.

A small hand peeked out from the branches and pointed out at the
doorway where Coney had just crossed to enter the room.

"Ah, Sneeky, you are not still afraid of Coney, are you?" Grey Wolf
asked as he went over to scoop up the little bunny.  "How I have
missed this little tyke," Grey cooed as he threw the bunny up in the
air and caught her.  Coney looked in sheer bliss.

"That rabbit is demented Mister Wolf," Sneeky squeaked a little
muffled by the branches.

Melody just shook her head and walked over to the tree.  "Sneeky come
down.  I need you to show me where the Christmas decorations are," she
said trying to coax the house elf.

Sneeky was not budging though.  "In the cupboard under the stairs,"
she said pointing her small hand toward the area.

Melody turned to Pip.  "We have a cupboard under the stairs?  Isn't
that kind of twisted?"

"Well, this house came with a sense of irony," Pip smiled and followed
Melody to the cupboard.  They dragged the big box marked 'Christmas
stuff' to the middle of the floor.  Grey Wolf was currently rocking
Coney in his arms and the bunny seemed to be purring.

Depositing the box next to the tree, Pip looked up at the quite nested
Sneeky.  "You know, we can't decorate this thing if she is in it."

"Sneeky's *not* coming out till that rabbit is gone," Sneeky said with
a stamp of her foot causing a few needles to fall to the hardwood floor.

"Well, this is jolly," Melody sighed.

"Wait," Pip said as a plan formed, "let's go caroling."

"What?" Melody exclaimed looking up curiously at Pip.  "How can *that*
help?"

Pip gave Melody a piercing look and said, "Because, Dumbledore lead
the Christmas crew in a round of his favorite carols in Chamber of
Secrets [9], and he also is the one that said, 'Ah music.  A magic
beyond all we do here.' [10]  I think his brand of Christmas cheer
might help here if you follow me."  Pip darted her eyes to the treed
Sneeky.

Melody's eyes widened when she realizing what Pip was trying to do.
She can be a bit slow sometimes.  "Yeah, we *should* go caroling.
That way, you and I can show off the filks we wrote.  And Grey?"

"Yeah," he called looking up from tickling one of Coney's big feet
completely oblivious to what had happened so far.

"You can sing, right?" Pip asked.

"Quite well in fact," he beamed.

Melody bounced onto the couch and leaned over the back.  "Want to go
caroling on the bay with us?"

"Sure," he agreed, "but I don't know the words to your filks.  It
might be quite something to hear 'What Child is This?' sung by a huge
werewolf who only knows half the words.  And what if one of the list
poltergeists come up behind me and fill in the gaps with lyrics of
his/her own invention, all of which would probably be very rude indeed
[11].  You don't want me sounding like one of the suits of armor at
Hogwarts, now do you?"

"Well, no, but we do have them written down Grey.  You can just read
the sheet music.  You can read, can't you?" Melody asked cutting her
eyes over to him with a sly smile.  Grey narrowed his eyes at the girl
and gave a short, "Humph."

Pip laughed quietly and turned back to the treed Sneeky.  "Sneeky, we
are all going caroling.  Don't you want to come?  You can sing that
song you've been working so hard to perfect.  I'm sure the bay would
love to hear it," Pip encouraged as she winked to Melody.

Sneeky stuck out her head smiling broadly.  "You think, Mistress?"

"But of course Sneeky.  You have a lovely soprano," Pip said without
any hint of sarcasm, which Melody and Grey Wolf knew was quite hard
for her to accomplish.

"Ok," Sneeky agreed, "but that rabbit stays here."

Melody looked helpless between the elf and the bunny.  "I can't leave
Coney tied up in here in the Safe House!  All on her own!  At
Christmas! [12a]"

Pip, Grey and Sneeky looked at each other.  They had never seen eye to
eye with Melody about what she called 'a cute harmless bunny' and
Sneeky called 'a terrifying monster'.  On the other hand, there didn't
seem to be any particular harm in Coney.  In fact, by the Safe House's
usual standards, she was positively cute. [12b]

Grey Wolf looked up at his little safe house member and over at the
scared house elf.  "Well, I have an idea.  Sneeky, you can ride on my
shoulders, and Mel, you can keep an eye on Coney.  Fair enough, Sneeky?"

The elf eyed the bunny but relaxed.  "Yes, Mister Wolf.  Sneeky likes
that idea very much."

For the next few moments, the safe house was all in a tizzy.  Coats,
hats, and scarves were being found but with no mittens.  Sneeky was
refusing to come out of the tree still, so she could not help find the
missing pairs.  The sheet music was in a neat pile until Coney decided
it would make a wonderful place to - well - deposit her own brand of
Christmas cheer.  Lucky Pip had the originals in her room, so after
the bunny was scolded a bit, the mittens were found, and Sneeky crept
onto Grey's shoulder, they were all off to spread Christmas cheer to
The Bay.

"Where should we stop first?" Melody asked racing Coney down the road.

"I think the Pink Flamingo would make for a good start," Pip suggested.

Grey nodded.  "Yeah, drunks are very forgiving."

The clan meandered their way to their destination.  The weather was
just right for strolling and caroling after all.  Reaching the
doorstep, the team gathered themselves around.  Melody hummed a note,
and the quartet began with their first filk carol called 'What Child
is This?' to the tune of the RL carol of the same name.

-----
http://www.chebucto.ns.ca/~av359/xmas/carols/child.html

What child is this who's laid to rest
On Dursley's doorstep sleeping?
Whom Petunia greets with fear and shrieks
While Vernon sits a weeping.

Refrain:
This, this is Potter's child,
Whom witches guard and wizards smile:
Haste, haste to bring him safe
The boy the son of Lily.

Why lies he in such mean estate
Where Dursley barely feed him?
Good Harry must endure this fate
For all is veiled and dim.

Refrain.

So bring him letters, hope, and joy
Come Hagrid to claim him.
The boy who lived now found his place
Let wands and brooms en-throne him.

Refrain.
-----

The patrons must not of been drunk enough yet, because they just
golf-clapped their efforts.

"Hmm, I suggest moving on," Melody said thinly glaring at the
unenthusiastic audience and bending over to scoop up Coney.  The bunny
was currently engaged in relandscaping George's quaint flowerbed.  "I
hope George was not *too* fond of those pansies," Melody quietly
observed with a bit of amusement.

"Cindy is always fun," Grey Wolf commented.  "Seeing that she is not
here, I say the Big Bang should be our next stop."

"I agree," Pip said and turned to lead them to the anchored destroyer.

"Um, Pip.  How are we going to get to the Big Bang?" Melody asked
noticing the anchored destroyer was too far out to be reached by their
voices.

"Transportation has already been arranged," Pip winked.

A submarine surfaced next to the dock, and the team clamored onto the
deck.  Sneeky gave the edge of the submarine a frightened look and hid
her eyes completely against Grey Wolf's mane [13].  Grey chuckled.  "I
think she's out for this round of songs."

The three grabbed onto the railing as the submarine moved over to the
Big Bang and settled within earshot.  "So, should we just start
singing?" Melody asked.

"No, we should get Cindy's attention," Pip said scratching her knit
hat.  "Grey, you do the honors."

"Alright," Grey Wolf nodded.  "Cover your ears.  CINDY!!"

A rather disgruntle Cindy opened up on of the portholes and stuck out
her head.  "WHAT!?   Oh, my!"

"Hi, Cindy," Pip beamed at almost eye level.  "We came to carol you."

Cindy snorted at the sight of them but smiled, "Ah, I feel so honored.
 Don't think anyone has *ever* caroled the Big Bang.  Let me get on
deck."  Cindy closed the window and the sound of footsteps was heard
from within.  A door opened and Cindy came out with a lawn chair in
one hand and a Christmas mug in another and arranged herself.

"Ready captain?" Melody called up.

"Knock me dead guys," Cindy said raising her mug.

"All right.  Our selection is a filk named 'When the Wizards Stayed'
to the carol of 'While Shepherds Watched,'" Melody announced and
hummed the starting note.

----
http://www.chebucto.ns.ca/~av359/xmas/carols/shep.html

When wizards stayed indoors at night
All quaking in their boots
A flock of owls came flying round
One gave three mighty hoots.

"Fear not" said he (for they were scared
the times were troubled, mind).
Glad tidings of great joy I bring
To you and mugglekind.

In Godric's Hollow this last night,
A child of Potter line,
Made Voldemort cash in his chips.
A scar shall be his sign.

The amazing babe you will not find,
Hagrid took him away;
The Dursley's now will have a shock,
He's on their doorstep laid."

Thus spake the owl and straight forthwith
Appeared a mighty throng
Of wizards shooting fireworks off
And singing happy songs.

"All glory to the Potter child
As wizards will have peace.
For Voldemort has cashed his chips.
Our joy will never cease."
----

All three bowed as Cindy rapturously clapped.  "That was marvelous.
Just marvelous," she called.

Pip blushed.  "Thanks Cindy.  If you want to follow us, we are going
to the dock next to finish our caroling."

"No, no.  I'm quite comfortable here," Cindy said contemplating her
options over her mug.  "But I might raise anchor and move that way.
Yes, I think I shall do that."

"Cool.  We shall see you there," Melody called as Cindy disappeared
back under deck.

Melody then looked at Pip and asked, "How do we tell this sub we want
to go back?" but as Melody said the words, the sub lurched back
towards the dock.  "You could of warned us," she yelled stomping on
the metal sub.

When the sub reached the dock, they all jumped off and ran from the
sub.  Melody placed Coney down in the grass by the dock and the three
settled by the lamplight to start with their third carol.

"This is our third Harry Potter carol named 'Halloween Night' and is
based on the traditional carol 'Silent Night,'" Pip announced.  She
took the honor of humming the first note as all four began.

----
http://www.christmas-carols.net/carols/silent-night.html

Silent night; Halloween night
All was calm; all was bright
Round yon corner Dark Lord peeped
In the door 'cause Peter did sneak
Of the house where the Potters hide,
So Alohomora he cried.

Silent night; Halloween night
Dark Lord framed 'gainst the light
James yelled, "Take Harry and run"
"I'll hold him off, just save our son"
A duel ensued and James fell dead
Voldemort turned to Harry's small bed.

Silent night; Halloween night
Harry's crib, Voldie's next sight
Lily stood protesting his path.
Threw herself 'tween her child and his wrath
A love charm she left on Harry
A pure gift he'll always carry.

Silent night; Halloween night
Voldie laughed at Lily's plight.
Harry alone before him now
A wand was aimed at his head and brow.
The curse words bounce and Voldie was torn
And the boy who lived was born.
----

The crowd that had gathered gave the group a rather respectable round
of applause as the safe house members beamed and thanked them.  Sneeky
leaned over on Grey Wolf's shoulder and tugged at Pip's coat.
"Mistress, can I sing my song now?" she squeaked.

"Oh course Sneeky.  You can stand on that park bench there," Pip said
as Grey Wolf reached up to lower Sneeky.

"Mel, watch Coney now.  We don't want her scaring Sneeky in the middle
of the song," Grey whispered to Melody.

Melody nodded and pointed to a patch of grass where Coney was
currently sleeping.  "Seems the excitement tuckered her out.  Good
thing probably since I have not broken her of that biting thing yet,"
Melody whispered back.

Sneeky fussed over her tea towel and stood up straight taking a deep
breath.  "I'm ready Mistress." she said with as much confidence as she
could muster.

"Ok, Sneeky.  Ladies and gentlemen, we have one last carol for you all
tonight.  It is called 'The Holly and the Yew Tree' and is based on
the carol 'The Holly and the Ivy.'  Verses sung by safe house's own
house elf Sneeky," said Pip with flair.

----
http://www.christmas-carols.net/holly-ivy.html

The Holly and the Yew Tree,
When they are both full grown,
Of all the trees that are in the wood,
The Holly bears the crown.

Refrain:
O, the rising of the sun,
And the coming of the Stag,
The playing of such merry Quidditch,
Sweet singing in the feasts.

The Holly bears a blossom,
As white as lily flow'r,
And Lily bore our Harry lad,
To somehow save us all.

Refrain.

The Holly bears a berry,
As red as any blood,
And Lily died for Harry lad,
Whose blood contains her good.

Refrain.

The Holly bears a prickle,
As sharp as any thorn,
And Lily knew that Harry lad,
Faced many painful morns.

Refrain.

The Holly bears a bark,
As bitter as the gall,
And Lily lost sweet Harry lad,
His life was more to her.

Refrain.

The Holly and the Yew Tree,
When they are both full grown,
Of all the trees that are in the wood,
The Holly bears the crown.

Refrain.
----

The crowd clapped enthusiastically and gave them a standing ovation.
Sneeky bowed with tears in her eyes.  Pip, Grey, and Melody were
taking their bows when Coney hopped up to the bench with a flower in
her mouth.  Sneeky, so taken back, accepted the flower and even
timidly stroked the bunny's head ever so quickly.

"Seems miracles can happen at Christmas," Melody said quietly to Pip
and Grey as they gathered around Sneeky and Coney.

"God bless us.  One and all," Sneeky squeaked.


-------Wishing all of HPfGU a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year------

---------from Pip!Squeak, Grey Wolf, and Melody: aka the MDDT---------


All references from American hardback:
[1]  SHIP reference:  LOLLIPOPS
[2]  canon fact: PoA, Ch1, pg. 12.
[3]  paraphrase: GoF, Ch22, pg. 395.
[4]  canon fact: PS/SS Ch12, pg. 196.
[5]  canon fact: CoS, Ch12, pg. 212.
[6]  canon fact: PoA, Ch11, pg. 222.
[7]  canon fact: PS/SS Ch3, pg. 43 -&- GoF Ch23, pg. 407.
[8]  canon reference: GoF, Ch28, pg. 548 -&- Ch.31, pg. 619.
[9]  canon reference: CoS, Ch12, pg. 212.
[10] direct quote: PS/SS, Ch7, pg. 128.
[11] canon parody: GoF, Ch22, pg. 395.
[12] '12a' and '12b' are canon parody: PoA, Ch11, pg. 218.
[13] canon parody: GoF, Ch8, pg. 99.