SHIP: Florence, Bertha and C.U.P.I.D.S.B.L.U.D.G.E.R.

[abigailnus]

No: HPFGUIDX 35271

--- In HPforGrownups at y..., "charisjulia" <pollux46 at h...> wrote:
> --- In HPforGrownups at y..., "cindysphynx" <cindysphynx at h...> wrote:
> > Cindy wrote:
> ><snip long Florence/Bertha/Snape/Sirius theory>
> >Why can't Florence be Sirius' girlfriend? Hmmm. Let's spin that for 
> >a bit. If Florence if Sirius' girlfriend, then Bertha sees Snape 
> >kissing Florence, who has suddenly developed an appreciation for 
> >sallow skin, hooked noses and greasy hair. Well, OK. Snape curses 
> >Bertha, but Sirius hears about it anyway. This <tiny snip on piece I 
> will address shortly> would come up short in its effort to be a 
> >motive for everything 
> >Snape does -- turning DE, hating James, hating Sirius.
> 
> 
> Errr, but that's not what I was making for at all
 How about this 
> simpler take on events: Florence is Sirius' girlfriend. 

If I might be allowed to add my own wrinkle to C.U.P.I.D.S.B.L.U.D.G.E.R. (ok, I'm not typing that more than once) I'd like 
to suggest that said Florence (or for that matter any other girl - we don't
 know that the "he" who hexed Bertha is 
Sirius) is not Snape's girlfriend or the object of his affections but his sister.  (Hence, by the way, my objection to 
naming said sister Florence - somehow, Florence Snape doesn't quite work, you feel as though her name ought to 
start with an S.)  Through a humorous sequence of coincidences and misunderstandings, Sirius manages to have a 
rather serious entanglement with this girl without ever learning her last name (because that's just the kind of guy he 
is.)  Somehow when you've stolen away to the janitor's closet for a few minutes you don't feel like boning up on 
family history, I guess.

And then comes the infamous prank.  Florence, as I will reluctantly call her, is understandably a bit pissed at her 
boyfriend for trying to kill her brother, and breaks up with him.  Hence the reason for Sirius hating Snape - "I'll bet he 
poisoned her against me" or "Why does *he* have to be close to *my* girlfriend?" and of course plenty of protective 
brotherly feelings to make Snape hate Sirius even if you don't consider the
 prank as his main motivation for said hatered.

Note that I'm not using this girl to explain Snape's descent into darkness 
because I am a firm follower of George (if for 
no other reason than that he takes his name from my all time favorite Loony
 Tunes cartoon) although if you really 
must have it I suppose sister Florence could have been killed by DEs, thus 
bringing about Snape's defection to the light 
side.

Of course there's absolutely no canon to support this (not that the Bludger
 seems to need canon anyway) but I will 
point out that it's an awfully modular theory.  Sister Florence can be olde
r, younger or a twin, the best friend young 
Severus has or practically estranged from him (which adds the possibility that it was Sirius who broke up with her after 
discovering her antecedents), and in any house in Hogwarts where Sirius might glimpse her (we know from canon that 
siblings, even identical twins, don't *have* to be in the same house.)  Of course, that same modularity is true for 
Florence as girlfriend, as it's a theory with absolutely no grounding in canon and hence a great deal of freedom.  This 
way, though, neither Sirius nor Snape have to be a nasty guy who hangs about with other people's girlfriends.

Your sister in avoiding final exams,
Abigail