Evil Dude (filk)

[coriolan_cmc2001]

No: HPFGUIDX 35372

Evil Dude (from GoF, Chap. 35)

(To the tune of In the Mood)

Hear the original at:

http://www.smickandsmodoo.com/aaa/lyrics/inthemood.htm

Dedicated to Mike Gray

THE SCENE: The DADA office. CROUCH JR has been given Veritaserum 
(which Snape keeps stored next to his collection of Glenn Miller 
CDs), and is being interrogated by DUMBLEDORE 

DUMBLEDORE (quietly): Can you hear me? 
CROUCH, JR.: Yes 
DUMBLEDORE: I would like you to tell us how you came to be here.  How 
did you escape from Azkaban?

CROUCH, JR. (music)
When my lovin' Daddy sent me to Azkaban
Mother intervened with quite an intricate plan
With some Polyjuice brew, we identities swapped
I exited in full view of those black-robéd cops
Wasn't too long after that my mom passed away
As I sank beneath my father's all-controlling sway

I wanted to restore the Dark Lord to his own folk
But I was under lock and key by an elf and cloak 
At the Quidditch World Cup I broke free from my bonds
I took that opportunity to steal a wand
Frivolous Death Eaters that night suffered a scare
When I flung the skull and snake in the summer air

Dad got rude to our elf Wink `n'
>From our brood he sent her slinkin'
I'm renewed, so I was thinking
When back into my life came one evil dude, now 

(Segue back to the CROUCH residence a year earlier, with Crouch Sr. & 
JR.)

Late at home one evening there's a knock on our door

WORMTAIL (barging in)
Howdy there, it's Wormtail!

VOLDEMORT (likewise)
  			         And Lord Voldemort!
We ran into Ms. Jorkins (who's now sadly deceased)
We've come to get my most faithful of servants released

CROUCH , JR.
And very soon the father and son's roles were reversed

ALL
What a useful thing to know, the Imperius Curse!

(Segue back to the DADA office)

CROUCH, JR.
In the Moody residence we pulled off the switch
I'd his eye and peg leg, you can't tell which is which
So I came to Hogwarts teaching Dark Arts Defense
Gruff but kindly Auror, what a lethal pretense.
But Wormtail just couldn't do the Vigilance thing, 
And soon it was reported Dad had taken wing.

Dad escaped, such great persistence
Dad went mad, from his resistance
Voldy said with some insistence,
"Get rid of your dad as I got rid of Riddle"

I spied Dad, I had this map here
Potter left, Krum I attacked here
I slew Dad, to bone changed back here
And the Triwizards Trophy became a Portkey



(end music. CROUCH falls silent, an insane smile flickering across 
his face)

WINKY: Master Barty, you bad boy! That last stanza is not a proper 
rhyme!

  - CMC

HARRY POTTER FILKS 
http://home.att.net/~coriolan/hpfilks.htm