Funny Books List / In Defence of SS

[Liz Muir]

No: HPFGUIDX 40980

*****Funny Books List******
Lilac wrote:
>>Maybe this is too OT, but could you let us know where to find that 
funny shortest books list??<<

So this is really OT, but let us get away with this short post since
it's connected to others, eh Mods? This list is the funniest thing I've
ever read. It can be found on "What's In a Name"'s Fanfic section
(along with the HP Mary Sue Limitus Test, a must for fan fic
writers/readers), or click the direct link:
http://www.theninemuses.net/hp/work/shortbooks.html

A few of my favorites from the list: 
Animagi that are Actually Registered with the Ministry
The Fan Fiction Guide to Grammar, Usage, and Elementary Proofreading 
Barty Crouch Jr.'s Guide to Totally Unexpected Plot Twists
How to Pick Up Girls by Lord Voldemort  (lol!)
Happy reading.

*****In Defence of  SS*****
First, I'd like to applaud Pippin for thinking outside the box. Second,
I'd like to say, as I do to Evil!Dumbledore theories, I really don't
think so. I don't think it's in JKR's writing style to make someone who
is obviously the "evil bad guy" of the books suddenly become "not so
evil, just misunderstood" without dropping some clues first, as with
Sirius Black (and the reverse with Scabbers). I do not think a lack of
evidence itself can count as evidence. Just a few more comments on some
of this...

>>We also know, from Professor Binns, that Slytherin did not want
muggle-borns attending Hogwarts because he felt they were
"untrustworthy."(CS 9) No other reason is given by the "reliable
historical sources." He did not believe, as the Malfoys and presumably
Voldemort do, that muggle-borns were less powerful or incapable of
learning. Just that they were "untrustworthy." It seems hypocritical of
Slytherin to call them that, considering he prefers students who have a
"certain disregard for rules." I think Slytherin didn't trust
muggle-borns to keep the location and existence of the school secret.
After all, the castle was built as a safe haven, away from the eyes of
muggles. Revealing any information about Hogwarts to the muggle parents
of witches and wizards put the school and all the students in jeopardy.
The four founders might have been the best wizards of their time, but I
doubt very much they could have held off a muggle army. And the Flame
Freezing Charm that protected witches and wizards in the time of
Wendolin the Weird might not have been developed yet. Even if it had,
the younger students at Hogwarts certainly wouldn't have mastered it
yet.<<

I think Slytherin's distrust of muggleborns has more to do with
xenophobia than with keeping the school hidden. Of course, the castle
did need to be protected, but I leave the various charms put on the
school took care of that. Slytherin was just paranoid. He didn't like
muggleborns for the sheer fact that they were different. They didn't
grow up knowing all about the wizarding world and it may have been
quite annoying to always have to be explaining things to muggle borns.

>>But, let's look at the Chamber of Secrets from Slytherin's
perspective. Assuming he wanted the Chamber to be found by a student,
why would he hide the entrance in a girl's bathroom? We don't even know
if women can be Parsel-mouths, the three we know of are male. For all
we know, the ability to speak to snakes could be tied to the
y-chromosome. And even if there are female Parsel-mouths, putting the
entrance in the girls' bathroom would theoretically cut in half the
number of potential decedents of Slytherin who could find the Chamber.
It seems logical, that if you wanted your Chamber to be found by
someone with the exceptionally rare ability of Parsel-mouth, you would
not place it in such a limiting location.<<

Um, on the contrary, if I was a scheming maniac trying to hide a deadly
monster in a school without letting my peers know, I would probably
hide it very well. I wouldn't want Gryffindor to find it before my heir
could set the monster loose. I would not hang a sign in the dungeon
saying,  "Say something in Parseltounge and unleash havok on the
school! The secret entrance is right over . . . ." No, I would be very
sneaky in a typically evil manner and hide it somewhere hard to find.
After all, someone worthy of being my heir should be smart enough to
figure it out! And besides, as many people bring up, it probably wasn't
a girl's bathroom in 1000 AD. I don't think even wizards had indoor
plumbing then. Also, why would a girl's bathroom limit a boy from
finding it? Someone evil enough to want to use the balisk on the whole
school would not be intimidated by a girl's bathroom.

>>Also, if you were one of the four greatest wizards of your time, why
would you leave a creature so weak as your ultimate weapon? A second
year student figured out what the basilisk was. I acknowledge that Ms.
Granger is exceptionally bright, but if a second year can figure it
out, any competent Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher should have
too. And after knowing what the creature is, it seems easy enough to
kill. How hard is it to find a rooster? Or record the sound of one
crowing? Even without such foreknowledge of the basilisk's weakness, a
twelve-year-old boy and an intelligent bird defeated it. Does that
really sound like the type of creature that could "purge the school of
all who were unworthy to study magic?" (CS 9)<<

First of all, how many "competent" DADA teachers has Hogwarts had?
Second, they wouldn't have known about the "voice" Harry kept hearing,
which was the main clue that tipped Hermione off. The article she found
said nothing about petrification, since people usually died. I would,
therefore, say that it would be quite difficult to figure out what it
was. Slytherin may have also been counting on the rarity of
Parselmouths. What are the odds that there would be two Parselmouths at
Hogwarts and one of them would try to stop the monster? Without a
second Parselmouth, it seems highly unlikely that anyone would get the
chance to kill the basilisk, since if they saw it, they'd probably die
before they could run to the library to look up it's weakness.

>>And why was the Chamber of Secrets so ornate and grand if its only
purpose was to store a big snake? It seems like Slytherin went to a lot
of effort carving out a secret chamber if the only people he thought
would see it were a basilisk and his Heir.<<

Why not? Bad guys seem to be so egotistical. Why not carve a huge
statue to yourself and make the place nice looking?

>>In my opinion, the Chamber of Secrets was probably a vault Slytherin
used to hold some powerful magical artifacts, and the basilisk was his
version of a guard dog. (See Fluffy) When Slytherin left Hogwarts, he
took his artifacts with him, but left his guard behind for some reason.
Maybe he forgot about it, maybe he didn't care enough about it to move
it, or maybe it would have been too difficult to transport a fifty-foot
serpent that kills anything it looks at.<<

A bit farfetched if you ask me. The basilisk doesn't come unless it's
called, so it seems like a lousy guard dog. That's about all I'm
writing for now. I look forward to more debate on this.



=====
Rowen Avalon (Liz Muir)

"We will not examine how grainy the frosting is. It's a cake. That's all we need to know."
"Everyone keeps learn more and more about less and less until finally they know everything about nothing. It's called specializing."
"The guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth then to the very center."
"I have nothing but contempt for a man who can spell a word only one way."

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Sign up for SBC Yahoo! Dial - First Month Free
http://sbc.yahoo.com