TBAY: Superfluous Scene acronym

[random_monkey0_0]

No: HPFGUIDX 40271

The Random Monkey, who has been locked in her room by her Evil 
Stepmother until it is clean, and has just escaped, runs toward TBAY. 
"All those theories," she gasps. "All those ships that I could've 
gotten in on the maiden voyage!" She runs as fast as she can, 
considering that the most excercise she gets is DDR marathons.
She sees Dicentra:
> Scratching her head, she looks at the new white lettering on the 
side
> of the barge. GARBAGE SCOW, it reads. (Gibberish, Altogether 
Redundant
> Blather, and Gobbledegook Everywhere! Superfluous Can(n)on Obtains
> Welcome) Dicentra had hoped for something a little more elegant, 
like
> SUPERFLUITY or EXTRANEOUS or even the ever-popular IRREGARDLESS, but
> as these acronyms don't have a spell-out, they're not much good. 
> GARBAGE SCOW it is!

"NOOOO!" moans Monkey. "The scow I've been waiting for all my life, 
and it's named already..." She drops to her knees and cries 
melodramatically.

> Now, she thinks as she rolls up her sleeves.  Time to get those
> can(n)ons back.
> <snip>
> Dicentra whips her wand out of her robes and points at the can(n)ons
> in the ELVIRA kayak. "Tortam Comere Tanto Habere!" she shouts. 
> Suddenly, both can(n)ons are back on the deck of the GARBAGE SCOW. 
> Pipppin and Debbie blink.  The can(n)ons in the ELVIRA kayak are 
still
> there, too.
> 
> "What's the point?" says Pippin.  "Is this your way of calling a 
draw?"
> 
> "Don't be ridiculous," says Dicentra. "I won, of course.  But if you
> can take either of these scenes and place the crux of a speculative
> theory on what you find therein, I will myself toss the can(n)on in
> question into the water.  But I don't think that you can.  Compare 
>the importance of these scenes to Snape Brings Lupin the Potion, 
>Lupin Fails to Hurry Things Along, or Lupin's Empty Grindylow Tank.  
>Don't come close.  Editor could have splinched the whole thing and 
>we'd never know it was gone."
> 
> Pippin, uncertain of what to do now, jumps into the ELVIRA kayak and
> paddles off, leaving
> 
> --Dicentra, eager to find more can(n)ons for her scow

Monkey stops bawling, since it's really pointless anyway, and walks 
over to Dicentra's ship. 

Dicentra looks at her suspiciously, which is alltogether not 
surprisisng, since she just had her can(n)ons almost stolen, and 
growls, "What do you want?"

Monkey gives what she hopes is a snappy salute, and says, "Ensign 
Monkey, requesting permission to come aboard, now that you've done all 
the hard work."

"What?" says Dicentra. "But... But don't you think Florence must be a 
person of incredible importance?"

"Florence is a name as random as I am, so Bertha had something to say 
in the Pensieve," replies Monkey.

"But... Isn't there some sinister significace to the fact that Snape 
said, 'I have a whole cauldronful?'"

"Nope," says Monkey.

"Uh... Isn't there symbolism behind Hedwig? The Weasleys? Hagrid? 
Madame Pomfrey?"

"Uh-uh," says Monkey. "And look, I even found this cool acronym for 
you."
UNNECESSARY: Useless, Needless Narrative Exercises Can be Explained as 
Superfluous; Some Action Really Yieldless.

"Well..." says Dicentra.

"Please hurry," says Monkey. "My arm is tired from holding this snappy 
salute."

***************

"Random Monkey"