Hermione and Ron - bickering

[lupinesque]

No: HPFGUIDX 38669

Penny wrote:

> I
> just don't *understand* romantic relationships where the parties 
bicker as
> their primary (or even secondary) mode of communication.  If 
bickering
> permeated my everyday life, I'd be quite unhappy.  It's just not 
*my* style.
> So, when I see a relationship, like the current friendship between 
Ron &
> Hermione, that is characterized by incessant (and sometimes nasty)
> bickering, I can't even begin to fathom how they would turn that 
into a
> healthy long-term romantic relationship.  

I know this is only a small part of your objection to R/H, but I'm 
just going to address this bit (and it is on-topic, despite the 
roundabout way it gets there).

As you say, this kind of relationship isn't *your* style.  It isn't 
particularly mine, either.  But so what?  You and I are not members of 
the couple in question.  *Our* style tells us nothing about the 
happiness of other people.  *I* don't think I'd be happy in a romantic 
relationship with someone who had radically different artistic or 
religious views than I do, but it's obvious that many people get along 
fine with just these differences between them.

Likewise, as I look around at the couples I know, some relationships 
that are characterized by frequent (I won't say incessant, as I don't 
believe that's defensible by canon) bickering *are* healthy, long-term 
romantic relationships.  I see them; I see that the people stay 
together for decades; I see that they profess to be happy.

People have different styles and priorities, and make different sorts 
of compromises in their relationships.  What is an intolerable 
situation to some is a reasonable compromise to others.

>I know, I know. "Opposites
> attract."  "All that bickering equals passionate sparks."  Yada, 
yada, yada.
> Yeah, right.

Well, maybe.  I don't think bickering *equals* passionate sparks.  I 
do think couples who bicker may *also* have passionate sparks.  And in 
the case of teenagers and others who have trouble articulating and 
understanding their own feelings, passionate feelings often express 
themselves outwardly in bickering, withdrawal, hyper-clinginess, and 
other not-too-healthy forms.

All of which is to say that I don't see Ron and Hermione's bickering 
as a sign that they would or would not make a good couple.

I wrote up a whole list of ways they interact *besides* bickering, but 
I haven't typed it up yet.  One of these days.

Amy