MAGIC DISHWASHER explanation

[bluesqueak]

No: HPFGUIDX 46945


> The oak doors swing wide once again at the TBAY saloon, 
> otherwise known as The Pink Flamingo Bar, as if blown open by 
> a gust of wind. The full moon rides out from the clouds above the 
> storm-wracked bay just long enough to cast a giant shadow into 
> the room. From far away comes a drawn out shuddering howl, 
> and the faint churning of a magical kitchen appliance. A cloaked 
> figure enters—

Only this time it's not Pippin. It's the Pip!Squeak.

A silence forms as the Pipsqueak walks calmly towards the back room.

"George. Cup of tea, please."

George stutters as he tries to get the words out

"I 
 I don't think we, err, have any
"

He pauses. The Pipsqueak is staring at him.

"Any warmed teapots. Yes. That's it. We've just run out of warmed 
teapots. My sister Diana broke the last one."

The Pipsqueak swings herself onto a barstool.

"Oh, for goodness sake, George! Stop stuttering, find a teabag, and 
just sling it into a mug with some boiling water."

She looks around cheerfully.

"Anyone mention a DISHWASHER three times? Because I'm here!"

The silence is suddenly broken by Cindy, who has now decided to 
offer her rendition of `Dammed for all time' from Jesus Christ 
Superstar. George, meantime, has arrived with the tea. It's in a 
pint beer glass, but then, you can't have everything.

Abigail rather shakily raises her hand. "Me. It was me who mentioned 
DISHWASHER. I think it was more times than three, though
"

A very tall, large, hairy figure loomed. `I have been discussing 
Abigail's analogy with the fireman who decides that the house is 
going to burn down anyway, so he might as well burn it down now. And 
explaining that the DISHWASHER and the Safe House are entirely 
different things.'

"Yes, Grey Wolf. The Safe House is proof against Hurricane Jo [ see 
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/45528 ]. And 
most TBAYers could claim a room there. Even Pippin could live there 
if she wanted. But it's entirely possible that the  DISHWASHER might 
be damaged or destroyed.

No, what I came to discuss with Abigail was the following assertion."

The Pipsqueak took a small object, rather like a cigarette packet in 
shape, from her pocket. Every old TBAYer in the room took one look 
and hit the floor. Curious newbies were dragged down as they tried 
to take a look. [1]

"Err? People? It's a portable voice recorder, that's all. I'm just 
going to play Abigail's words back."

She switched the machine on. The sound of Abigail's voice, magically 
amplified, came from it:

 
"the fact that MD might strenghen Assassin!Snape - and I'm a bit  
surprised to see that no one from the Safe House has showed up at 
the TBAY tavern to back Cindy up -."

"DISHWASHER would support Assassin!Snape, would it?" said the 
Pipsqueak, with a dangerous softness to her voice.

"Well, yes." Said Abigail, rather blankly. "I think I have a firm 
grasp of MAGIC DISHWASHER."

"Not as firm as she thinks, if you ask me" says the Wolf.

"Indeed." Says the Pipsqueak. She settles herself firmly on the 
barstool, takes a swig of the tea, then pauses.

"George. You are a wonderful Snapetheory, but you can't make tea at 
all, can you?"

George shrugs. "Not really. But my Turkish coffee is amazing."


*********************************************************************

OK. Would Dishwasher!Dumbledore and Dishwasher!Snape conspire 
together to assassinate Karkaroff?

Let's examine their canon actions, shall we?

**PS/SS**
Quirrelmort and the attempted theft of the Philosopher's Stone.

Dead bodies: One, Quirrel, killed when Voldemort abandoned his body. 
Note that while Dumbledore undoubtedly *fought* Quirrelmort, he did 
not kill him. 
Dumbledore: "I arrived just in time to pull Quirrel off you..", "He 
[Voldemort] left Quirrel to die" [PS/SS Ch. 17, pp.215 –216]

Probably now deceased: Nicolas and Perenelle Flamel. 
Dumbledore's comment: "Nicolas and I have had a little chat and 
*agreed* it's all for the best". [PS/SS Ch. 17, p.215] [my emphasis].
Snape: Not only does not kill anyone, he tries to save Harry's life, 
and gives Quirrel a chance to repent in Ch.13 (which is after 
Quirrel has tried to murder Harry).

**CoS**
Dead bodies: One, Moaning Myrtle, killed by Tom Riddle 50 years 
before the start of the current story (via the Balilisk).

Petrified bodies: loads. Again, Tom Riddle is responsible, not 
Dumbledore.

Snape: Doesn't kill anyone.

**PoA**
Dead bodies: None. At all. Not even Pettigrew, who murdered twelve 
people.

Dishwasher!Dumbledore has actually (through Harry) given Pettigrew 
one of his famous second chances. Or rather, another chance, because 
as of GoF, dear Peter has currently betrayed a Potter a second time 
and will probably go for a third before the cock crows.

Snape: Well, he *talks* a great fight. But what he *does* is conjure 
up stretchers and deliver everyone to Dumbledore alive and, err, 
not-kicking-because-they're-unconscious.

Dishwasher!Dumbledore and Dishwasher!Snape do *not* decide that the 
inconvenient Sirius Black is best disposed of to the Dementors, 
guilty or not. Instead, Black gets to tell his side of the story, 
and when Dumbledore decides he is sort of innocent, an escape from 
the MoM is arranged.

Snape (Dishwasher or not) gets Lupin fired. He does not, for 
example, haul out his wand and go on a little hunting expedition to 
find a dangerous werewolf in the Forbidden Forest.

**GoF**
Dead bodies: Frank Bryce. Killed by Voldemort.
	Bertha Jorkins. Killed by Voldemort
	Crouch Sr, killed by Crouch Jr.
Cedric `Spare' Diggory. Killed by Voldemort (via Peter Pettigrew). 

Cedric was *not* killed by Dumbledore. Dishwasher!Dumbledore did not 
plan the Graveyard. He did not plan for Cedric to get kidnapped with 
Harry. He did not plan for Harry to get kidnapped at all.

Soul Sucked: Crouch Jr. By a Dementor brought in by Fudge, *without* 
Dumbledore's permission.

**The matter of consent.**

It is undoubted that Dishwasher!Dumbledore risks peoples lives – 
especially the Trio's. But have they consented to this?

**PS/SS** 
In Chapter 16 Professor McGonagall explains twice to the Trio that 
the Stone is well protected, and they are not needed. Snape also 
warns them off. The Trio go ahead anyway, after Harry's rather 
famous speech that a returned Voldemort is not going to `leave you 
and your families alone'. [p. 197 UK paperback]. In short, the Trio 
are given every opportunity to say, `Ok, we're a bunch of kids, 
let's leave it to the adults' – but they CHOOSE not to.

So, yes, Dumbledore is using need-to-know on Harry, and manouvering 
him into certain situations – but in the fight against Voldemort, 
Harry (and Ron and Hermione) are volunteers. 

**CoS**
In CoS there is no canon evidence whatsoever that Dumbledore has any 
idea how to get into the Chamber of Secrets to stop the Balilisk.  
Dishwasher!Dumbledore sends Harry help via Fawkes and the Sorting 
Hat. Dishwasher! Dumbledore has not set up the Chamber as a training 
exercise for Harry. Dishwasher!Dumbledore is reacting to a situation 
engineered by Voldemort via Lucius Malfoy.

Hermione is petrified by Tom Riddle. Not by Dumbledore.

**PoA**
PoA has been discussed extensively in post 39662 (link below), so 
I'll just point out that all Dishwasher!Dumbledore and Dishwasher!
Snape's manoeuvring is aimed at forcing Harry, not into making *A* 
particular choice, but into making his *OWN* choice. The fact that 
Dumbledore bases his plan on his belief that Harry will make the 
right choice shows only that Dumbledore has true faith in Harry's 
essential goodness.

**GoF**
Again, Dumbledore is reacting to an attack by Voldemort – which this 
time is aimed directly at Harry. 

Yes, the Flawed!Potion plan of Dishwasher does put any enemy of 
Voldmort at risk as Voldemort tries to get blood for the potion (and 
Harry is at special risk), but I suspect that Dishwasher!Dumbledore 
was hoping that the protection around Harry would be heavy enough to 
save his life.


And enemies of Voldemort are at risk anyway. 

I think this is the essential point, that Harry has so clearly 
grasped at age 11, but so many of our MD detractors seem to have 
missed.

Voldemort is evil. Voldemort is a murderer. 

If Voldemort wins, Harry is dead. 
Hermione the muggle-born is dead. 
Ron, and the entire Weasley family will be dead.

And so will many, many other enemies of Voldemort. And along with 
the declared enemies will also be those like Cedric Diggory, who 
just found themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

And, the central tenent of Dishwasherism:
Voldemort is not going to go away. Ever. Vapour!Voldemort is 
immortal. The only chance of destroying Voldemort is to force him 
into making himself mortal again.


To carry on with the fireman analogy, Abigail:
Dumbledore is like an elderly one-person firebrigade, whose town is 
plagued by a pyromaniac. This pyromaniac is seemingly uncatchable, 
and has killed a lot of people in his fires. Things have been quiet 
for a few years (rumours are that some kid managed to throw a petrol 
can right back in the maniac's face), but the signs are that this 
guy is planning to make a comeback. There's been a failed raid on 
the local petrol station for one thing. [Attempted theft of 
Philosopher's Stone]

So our fireman Dumbledore has two choices. He can hope that the 
pyromanic is going to give up after the failed petrol station raid, 
and hope like heck that the pyromaniac hasn't just decided that 
maybe it would be more sensible to wait until Dumbledore's retired, 
or has been fired due to age and incapacity [or because of a planted 
diary, anyone?].

Or he can pick an abandoned building, place a tempting petrol can or 
two there and stake it out while waiting to see if our pyromaniac 
finds it too tempting to resist. And again, hope like heck that no 
innocent civilians happen to wander in when it gets set on fire.


Returning back to `Would Dishwasher!Dumbledore and Dishwasher!Snape 
conspire to assassinate Karkaroff?'

On the evidence so far – no. They haven't conspired to kill anyone. 
Any deaths have been caused by Voldemort, or, importantly, have been 
agreed as necessary by the people themselves (the Flamels). The 
death of Cedric was one of those `dammit, he wasn't even supposed to 
*be* there' events that unfortunately happen in a shooting war.

And it is a shooting war. It has been since Voldemort tried to steal 
the Stone. Dumbledore did not start the fire – Voldemort did. 
Dumbledore has not created this war. Voldemort has. Dumbledore, so 
far, has not killed anyone. Voldemort killed them. By choice.

What Dumbledore is doing is trying to manoeuvre Voldemort into a 
position where he can be destroyed. Which is dangerous, yes.

Because Voldemort is dangerous.


*********************************************************************

The Pipsqueak stops talking (finally!), and takes another swig of 
her tea. Cindy is just finishing off a stirring rendition of `Be 
Prepared' from The Lion King [for those who don't do musicals: it's 
the song where the evil Scar plans the coup to murder his brother 
King Mufasa].

Pipsqueak shouts out:
"HEY! Cindy!"

"What?"

"Why Karkaroff?"

"Whaddya mean, why Karkaroff?" says Cindy. " Isn't Snape 
assassinating someone bangy enough for you?"

"Assassinating Karkaroff isn't bangy. There's a much better 
alternative, much more in character for both Snape and Dumbledore, 
and it's even been nicely foreshadowed in PS/SS". 

Cindy wanders over, and stands in front of the Pipsqueak, swaying 
slightly.

"Who got assassinated in PS/SS?"

The Pipsqueak grins. "No one. That's the point. But Nicolas and 
Perenelle Flamel AGREED that it was necessary for them to die."

Cindy fixes a slightly bloodshot eye on the Pipsqueak. After some 
difficulty focussing, she fixes the other bloodshot eye on the 
Pipsqueak instead.

"I want bang. Big, big bang. Polite little chats where people agree 
it's `all for the best' don't just do it for me."

The Pipsqueak grins an even wider grin. "Ah, but Cindy. HOW is Snape 
going to persuade Voldemort to take him back? Everyone's nicely 
convinced Snape hates Harry, which is good convincing DE material, 
but I really don't think Dumbledore's master plan includes Snape 
handing Voldemort the head of Harry Potter."

"So?" says Cindy. "Look around you, Junior. The FEATHERBOA'S are 
flying here. Blood is what we want. Blood, and bangs, and great big 
shocks."

"Well, whose death would really, really convince Voldemort that 
Snape was on HIS side? Without any shadow of doubt? A death that 
Snape and Dumbledore would *know* that the victim had agreed to as 
being for the ultimate good? "

The Pipsqueak paused dramatically.

"Ah, Cindy. You missed it. The chance for the biggest bang of all. 
NOT Karkaroff, no. The head Snape is going to deliver to Voldemort 
[probably gift-wrapped], the head that is going to convince 
Voldemort beyond any possible doubt that Snape is on his side, the 
head that is going to plant BlownSpy!Snape right back in the trusted 
DE circle, ready to help Harry Potter defeat Voldemort



 is Dumbledore's."


And won't *that* be a bang. 


Pip!Squeak
[Anyone for a cigarette?]

[1] See:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/40476
for an explanation of why accepting a cigarette from a Safe House 
inhabitant is a really, really bad idea.

Hypothetic Alley:

http://www.i2k.com/~svderark/lexicon/faq/hypotheticalley.html

Inish Alley:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/database?
method=reportRows&tbl=13

The DISHWASHER has two major 
posts 

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/39662

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/40044

A summary post:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/39854

plus nearly two hundred posts arguing for and against it.


http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HPforGrownups/message/40421
for the introductory Safe House post.