FILK: "Cruel, Cruel Incredulous Men"

[Haggridd <jkusalavagemd@yahoo.com>]

No: HPFGUIDX 51997

Here is another filk based on the musical "1776".  This is a parody 
of the song, "Cool, Cool Considerate Men".

Author's Note:  This filk is dedicated "On the Right" to that Prince 
of Parody, that Ace of Alliteration, Caius Marcus; and "On the Left" 
to the nicest, kindest, most understanding and tolerant liberal that 
I have ever had the pleasure to meet, Amy Z.


Haggridd (with apologies to John Dickinson and to John Hancock)


              CRUEL, CRUEL INCREDULOUS MEN      

Scene:  In Albus Dumbledore's office, Harry Potter looks into the 
Pensieve, and watches a scene from years before.  A trial of Death 
Eaters is in session.



Harry:       While inside the Pensieve I see
             A Court of Wizards sitting far below me.
             This looks bad, expressions mad
             Little mercy to be had; everybody's sad.
             And look!  Dementors line the hall
             Mr. Crouch is looking tall; it appears 
                 he's running all.

             He shouts "They're guilty, all guilty!"

Jury:        They're guilty, all guilty!    
                 
Harry:       It's so cruel!
     
Crouch, Sr.: Come ye cruel, cruel incredulous men;
             Let's put the Death Eaters all in 
                 Azkaban. 
      
             Henchman of Dolohov, 
             Karkaroff might get off.
             Bagman too, I knew what he would do.
             My accusation's true; He passed stuff to 
                You-Know-Who.

             I say they're guilty, all guilty!
             Oh so verminous and filthy--Yes, be cruel!

             Come ye cruel, cruel most critical set.
             We must make sure each Death Eater pays 
                 his debt.
             On the right, sit ye on the right;  
             Spectators on the left; jury on the right.

             Let my son, because of what he's done,
             My beloved son see no more of the sun.
            
Jury:        We say they're guilty, all guilty!
             We must use all our ability to be cruel.

Dumbledore:  You must look at this rationally.
             It serves nothing to go off half-cocked, 
                you see.
             Azkaban is a most revolting plan
             Dementors only can bring fear to Wizard-
                land.
      
             You say "It's war and we must be strong."
             I say that you do wrong.
             You cruel, cruel men.

Crouch, Sr.: Dumbledore, you're a wizard of probity, 
                one of us.
             Why don't you join us in our noble quest?
             Why do you persist in defending Severus 
                Snape?
             Merlin's beard!  You don't even like him!

Dumbledore:  That is true; he'a a really slimy git,
             But still it isn't fit 
             To shove Severus in the pit.
                 
Crouch, Sr.: But why, because of information
             He gave to you, Dumbledore?  
             Be careful, sir!  This tribunal may put 
             Both you, Dumbledore, and Snape in 
                Azkaban.

Dumbledore:  Why, sir? Is it our world that's dear, 
             Or your Ministry career?
             Fortunately we have but a few men of
             Probity among Wizardry without any 
                mercy.

Crouch, Sr.: Well, perhaps not, but we wizards 
             Fearful of the Dark Mark
             Would rather protect the Wizarding World 
             By imprisoning more, than be fooled 
             By showing mercy where we oughtn't.
             And that is why we are sitting here

             On the right, jury on the right;
             Public on the left, while we stay to 
                 the right.
             Rosier's cold; Rookwood was too bold;
             Travers we now hold; the Lestranges 
                 never told.
                  
             I say they're guilty, all guilty.
             I'll be damned if they remain free.

Dumbledore:  You are cruel.

Jury:        We're the cruel, cruel incredulous men
             Let's put the Death Eaters all in Azkaban.

             Had enough, must be tough,
             Really rough, of stern stuff.
             Hearts are cold, manner bold,
             Our position we will hold.  We must do 
                what we're told.

Jury, Crouch, Sr.,
(and Dumbledore):             
            We (You) cruel, cruel, cruel, cruel, cruel,
            Cruel, cruel men!