What you WON'T read in OoP

[Tim Regan]

No: HPFGUIDX 61114

1. From Hagrid : " Now Harry, I'm supposed to tell you this 
secret....."
2. "Fawkes! Stop flicking your ash on the carpet!"
3. At the Dementors : "Now give auntie a nice big kiss!"
4. Snape : "Well done, Neville! 50 points to Gryffindor!"
5. Madame Malkin : "This year the mini is 'in'!".
6. Colin Creevely, pointing his camera : "Keep moving, please!"
7. Ollivander : " For the budget minded we have the PVC model with 
simulated grain."
8. " Neville! Can't you control Trevor? There's toadstools all over 
the place!"
9. Ron : " That won't work, Harry. According to the Theory of 
Indeterminancy...."
10. Dumbledore : " Harry, what I have to tell you 
is...Arrrgggghhhh!" Body hits floor. 
11. Ron: "I read in "Hogwarts' a History.........."
12. Hermione: "Well it hardly matters if we miss just one lesson.."
13. Snape: "Thankyou." to any Gryffindor you please
14. Moody: "I was just taking a little relaxation break."
15. Arthur Weasley: "Its just some *ordinary* muggle thing."
16. MacGonagall to Moody: "Really, relaxation well that was just the 
thing on my own mind today."
17: Neville: "Harry, why do you always forget your passwords?"
18: Hermione: "Maybe he apparated into Hogwarts?"
19: Petunia: "Do you want to invite your friends to spend the summer 
with us, Harry?"
20:Snape to Sirius: "Don't worry about it; I forgive you."
21:Sirius to Snape: "I've always liked your hair."
22:Draco to Harry: "I can't help it. I love you."
23:Lucius Malfoy: "One mustn't take this pure-blood stuff too far."
24:Lily Potter to Harry: "You're adopted."
25. Prof. Trelawney: "It's just a lump of tea leaves"
26. Crabbe and Goyle: "This feast food is just way too fattening"
27. Prof. Snape: "I think I'll lay out in the sun for a bit....I 
could use a tan"
28. Uncle Vernon: "Harry, you're an absolute rail. Petunia, fix 
Harry a nice big steak dinner."
29. Uncle Vernon: "Pleasure to see you again Mr. Weasley. You must 
come see my new mechanical tie rack."
30. Voldemort (dressed in drag): "Hi everyone. I'm your new DADA 
teacher."
31. Hermione: "Arithmancy is such rubbish. I should have stayed in 
Divination."
32. Any Trio member"I guess they'll have to call us the `Threesome' 
now."
33. Dobby: Join me in the boycott against clothes! Wheeeee! *runs 
around naked* Down with socks!!! 
34. Dobby/Ginny/Colin: I hate Harry Potter. Down with scar boy! 
35. Hagrid: Eep! I'm not going to get near that thing...it looks 
dangerous! 
36. Voldemort: Harry...it is time you knew the truth....Dumbledore 
never told you what happened to your father Harry: He told me 
enough! He told me you killed him! Voldemort: No. *I* am your 
father!
37 Fred and George: "Make way for the heir of Gryffindor, seriously 
mundane offspring coming through."
38 Dumbledore: "No Harry, the Dursley's cannot keep you safe this 
Summer. But I have found a distant uncle who is happy to look after 
you. His name is Count Olaf."
39: Bobby Ewing: "So Harry, Hogwarts, and the whole Wizarding world 
was just a dream?"
40. Wormtail: "M-master? C-could I have a different hand, 
please? This one clashes with my robes."
41. Dumbledore (to Voldemort): "Tom... I am your father. *heavy 
breathing*"
42. "Is it just me, or are those... highlights... in Professor 
Snape's hair?"
43. Fred (or George): "Geez... go away, Percy! I've got to finish 
this report on cauldron bottom thickness before tomorrow!"
44. "And our next model for Madam Malkin's House of Style, the 
lovely Severus Snape, is wearing..."
45. Cedric: "What worms? I don't see any worms."
46. "My Lord?"
     "What, Lucius?"
     "My Lord, some of the lads and I got together and, um, we got 
you a present. Just something we chipped in for to... to show our 
appreciation."
     "Well... I... I don't really know what to say, Lucius. 
I'm.touched."
     "*hands over package* It's a clock, sir. And we've got you this 
watch as well, Lord, and Goyle, here, baked you a cake..." (yeah, 
yeah - bad Python takeoffs are my specialty)
47. "You know, Potter, this Dark Lord business is all well and good, 
but all I've ever really wanted is a kitten of my very own."
48. Harry: "Sure Malfoy, you can have my Invisibility Cloak"
49. Draco: "I caught the snitch!"
50. Ron: "Hermione, I want to be president of S.P.E.W."
51. Dobby: "Harry Potter is a bad, BAD wizard!"
52. Hagrid: "No, I'm no so much into dragons anymore... I'm looking 
for a nice little fluffy bunny rabbit"
53. Snape: "Harry, can I have your autograph?"
54. Dudley: "Hey Harry, you got anymore of those magical toffees?"
55. Rita Skeeter: "I've thrown away my Quick Quotes Quill"
56. Dumbledore: "You know, I'm thinking it would be much easier to 
just go ahead and join Voldemort... I'm getting too old for this"
57. Fred & George: "Percy told us the BEST joke the other day!"
58. Sirius: "You know, I've been missing Azkaban lately..."
59. Sign in Flourish and Blotts "We accept no responsibility for 
your spelling mistakes."
60. The sorting hat : "Gryffindore! But I wouldn't start any long 
books, if I were you."
61. Trelawney: "Ah, Harry! You have a bright future in store!"
62. Skeeter: "In light of the newly-emerged evidence, it is my duty
to print the following retraction..."
63. Snape: "50 points from Slytherin!"
64. Fleur: (To Ron) "I want your body, big boy!"
65. Harry: "Oh Auntie Petunia! There's no place like home!"

Some new ones 


66. Scholastic & Bloomsbury: "Any part of this book may be 
reproduced in any form by any electronic or mechanical means and 
disseminated on the internet without permission of the publisher. 
Adult themed fiction using the characters from this publication is 
encouraged by the author."
67. Snape: "I vant to drrrink your blood."
68. Dumbledore: "Yes Harry, I knew everything. I am the alpha and 
the omega; I carefully planned and executed all that has happened to 
you; I am Ron and I am Crookshanks; I am old and I am young; I am 
Lord Voldemort and I am Arabella Figg; I am your father and I am 
your grandfather."
69. JKR in postscript: "In order to spend more time with my family I 
will not be writing any further books."
70 Hermione: "**** it, let's party"
71. Snape: "You are right, I never wanted to be the Hogwart's 
Potions Master. I wanted to be a lumberjack."
72. Lily or James: "Surprise!"


Cheers,


Dumbledad.