Filk: If Ron Were A Wealthy Man

[Jonathan Pessin]

No: HPFGUIDX 53419

Ron is sitting alone in his room, looking at the frilly, lace-trimmed dress robes his mother has given him.  He grumbles to himself,

Ron:  (spoken) I hate being poor.  I really hate being poor.  Would one or two galleons be too much for me to ask?  Just a SMALL fortune?  Why is everything I own rubbish?!?!
(sung)If I were a rich man 
Deidle-deedle-deidle-diddle-diddle-deedle-deidle-dum
All day long I'd chew on Drooble's gum
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Deidle-deedle-deidle-diddle-diddle-deedle-deidle-dum
If I were a biddy-biddy rich
Eidle-deidle-deedle-deidle man.

I'd fix our big tall house with rooms by the dozen
Stuck very oddly in the halls.
With bedrooms jutting out above and below.
There would be more than one staircase just going up, 
And no ghouls there rattling the walls,
But I'd still have my Cannons bedsheets, though.

I'd fill my yard with random magical beasts
All picked to delight the eye and ear,
Picking gnomes and placing them in a can,
And then I'd gather the gnomes and put them in the country 
Far, far away rather than near
So I'd never have to deal with them again!

Oy!

If I were a rich man 
Deidle-deedle-deidle-diddle-diddle-deedle-deidle-dum
All day long I'd just sit on my bum
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Deidle-deedle-deidle-diddle-diddle-deedle-deidle-dum
If I were a biddy-biddy rich
Eidle-deidle-deedle-deidle man.

I see my mum, my mummy, looking like a rich man's mum
Finer dressed than she has been,
Conjuring good meals to her heart's delight.
I see her yelling at George and scolding at ol' Freddie,
Oy, what a happy mood she's in!
Screaming at my brothers day and night! ::random nagging sounds::

The most important men in town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them, just like Dumbledore the wise.
"If you please, Ron Weasley," "Pardon me, Ron Weasley,"
Posing problems that would cross a sphinx's eyes!
Yeidle-dee-dai-dai, Yeidle-dai-dai-dai! (wailing, yiddish-sounding chant)

Percy peeks his head in the doorway

Percy: RON!  Could you keep it down, please!

Ron: (spoken) sorry.  

Percy returns to his room

Ron: (sung) If I were rich, then I could stifle my pride
And no longer feel I'm in the way,
And Harry, Herm' and I'd really have a ball.
And maybe I could admit to her that I like her
And maybe she'd say that was OK!
That would be the sweetest thing of all!

Oy!  ::sighs deeply::

If I were a rich man 
Deidle-deedle-deidle-diddle-diddle-deedle-deidle-dum
All day long I'd wander with my chums
If I were a wealthy man.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Deidle-deedle-deidle-diddle-diddle-deedle-deidle-dum
Fred and George have a joke-shop-making scam,
Percy's business ventures have began,
But how can I concieve a proper plan
To become a wealthy man??

Hobbit-guy