Dark SHIPS [HPforGrownups] ( was Re: Possession)

[Iggy McSnurd]

No: HPFGUIDX 90865

> Mandy here:
> 
> Dudley will become Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the world and
> make millions in endorsements.

Iggy here:  (Adding to the last comment)  

Until he fights Evander Hollyfeld and tries to bite off Evander's other
ear (after all, Dudley thought a "cauliflower ear" meant it was edible),
thus spawning a series of lawsuits and stays in prison, causing him to
eventually declare bankruptcy.


And now, a few add-ins from me...

Peter Pettigrew will be the only Death Eater to survive and redeem
himself.  He will become a success in Hollywood as a professional
"rodent wrangler" for movies like "Willard" and anything that takes
place in NY sewers and deserted caves in the Andes.

Vernon will realize that wizards aren't so bad, and that working in the
drill industry is too boring.  He and Petunia (who has discovered magic
of her own in her later years, revealing her as the "self imposed
Squib.") will fulfill Vernon's secret life-long dream and open a Big and
Tall clothing shop.  Because of the fame of Petunia's newfound magic,
they will be the first mixed couple to be invited to own a shop on
Diagon Alley.

Hagrid and Madame. Maxime will marry (after she transfers to Hogwarts as
their new Headmistress), and have a horde of Half-Giant children.
Fortunately, this will give the Dursley's new shop just the boost they
need to get off the ground.  In later years, their children will form
the world's only Half-Giant Quidditch team, the Hogsmeade Hulks.

Dumbledore and McGonagall will marry and both retire to live next door
to Honeyduke's so Albus can be near his beloved candy.  Unfortunately,
Dumbledore will become diabetic and have to give up sweets.  Their
marriage will eventually end badly when Minerva accuses Albus of
following in his brother's footsteps to ease the pain he feels at not
being able to eat candy anymore, and Dumbledore accuses her back of only
marrying him as a pale substitute for her true secret love... Tom
Riddle.

Hermione will discover Sapphic love with, of all people, Sybille
Trelawny.  This fling will last only two years, since the relationship
ends when their most common arguments revolve around not being able to
stand living with another "know it all."  Trelawny will confine herself
to her tower and never come out again.  Hermione will spend the rest of
her life hanging out at gay bars and in a series of one unsuccessful
relationship after another until, in her old age, she finally settles
down with one of the many daughters of the Weasley twins.

As a note to the Weasley Twin's lives, they and their identical twin
wives will realize that it is useless to try and tell each other apart,
and will enter into an "alternative" lifestyle of polyamory, thus
completely destroying any chance of establishing a Weasley Family Tree
from there on out.


Iggy McSnurd
(Who wonders if this thread should move to OTC or not from here out...)