JKR's dealing with emotions - Talking about Death

[Steve]

No: HPFGUIDX 147383

--- In HPforGrownups at yahoogroups.com, "lupinlore" <rdoliver30 at y...> wrote:
> 
> Chuckle.  It truly is amazing how people read totally different
> books, isn't it?  I find her dealing with Harry's grief ... to 
> be incredibly poor writing 
>
> ...edited...
> 
> Perhaps it does have to do with emotional styles.  I really 
> don't know. But it certainly is true that, surveying a number
> of different boards and forums ..., those three instances in 
> particular bring a storm of dissent and objection.  What do 
> other people think is the source of this?
> 
> 
> Lupinlore
>

bboyminn:

I think perhaps the problem is that you are looking for 'movie'
solutions to grief, where actors engage in long soliloquies filled
with pseudo-emotion and thick Shakespearian accents.

But is that how it happens in real-life? Do we really want to 'talk
about it'? In real-life there is no satisfaction in death. Mostly we
suffer in silence. Monday comes and it's back to work; no one to talk
to and nothing to say. Then Tuesday comes and the silent grief still
aches inside, but life goes on, reports must be posted, phone calls
must be made, lunch must be eaten, and then Wednesday....

In real-life the best comfort is the silent company of our loved ones
who are going through the same thing. Our pain is the measure of their
grief. So, we sit in silence, and maybe if we are feeling brave, we
engage in a reminiscence or two, then fall into silent grief again. No
long soliloquies, no thick Shakespearian accents, no satisfing
eulogies; just grief and time and silence.

Because I really don't see real-life as supportive as TV life where
everything is resolved to satisfaction in a half hour or so, I find
Harry's silent grief very understandable. 

They say talking about it makes you feel better, but it doesn't, at
least not in the short run. In the short run, talking about it bring
up an unbearable pain that no one would willingly face, and we see
this with Harry. He can maintain as long as he doesn't talk about it,
but as soon as the subject comes up, so does the unbearable pain. So
he avoids the subject, and makes peace with the death in question in
his own way and in his own time.

Perhaps even in the long run, the grief never truly subsides. I've
seen World War II veterans in their 70's who have stoically beared
their grief in silence for many decades to then be moved to tears by
talking about their war experiences.

I find this very realistic writing. The beauty of Harry and his story
is that I can see real-life in them, and that makes the story far more
believable and far more powerful than grand satisfying speeches.

Just one man's opinion.

Steve/bboyminn