[HPforGrownups] Why Didn't Harry Ask About His Parents' Graves? (was: Re: Godric's Hollow)

[Karen]

No: HPFGUIDX 150125


On Mar 27, 2006, at 11:59 AM, merrillsyndrome wrote:
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> em:
>
> I haven't lost a parent yet but I have lost several friends (most
> tragically: suicide, terrible car accidents, etc) and I don't think I
> have gone to a single one of their graves.  I only went to one
> funeral and only as support for another friend.  It is easier to
> remember them as they were when they were living.  Going to their
> graves would just be a bleak reminder that they are dead.  I think
> too much emphasis is placed on a grave, its just a house for bones.
> It is much more meaningful to look at pictures or visit places you
> went together...oh to have a pensieve to "re-live" the good times and
> the times you have almost forgotten.
>
> Back to what Ceridwen was saying: I think it is perfectly normal for
> Harry to not have a desire to visit his parent's graves.  It's
> exactly as Ceridwen so poignantly put it:  "She misses having
> parents.  She never missed having dead parents".  This has to be
> exactly what Harry is feeling. He missed out on having parents, he
> has dead parents. Going to their grave only reaffirms he has dead
> parents.  No one needs that final reminder, even if they don't
> remember their parents.  Its not a celebration of their life to go
> there nor are you "visiting" them. No one is there, just the reminder
> that there is an emptiness in your heart because you miss someone
> terribly.
>
> (Those of you who find going to loved ones graves comforting, please
> forgive me, one should always do what comforts them no matter what
> anyone else thinks)
>
> jmho
> -em

kchuplis:

I have to agree with this post. I've been back to my father's grave  
once since the funeral and well, I didn't really want to and it  
didn't really do anything for me. That's not my Dad. My dad is in my  
memories and going to the grave is just not something I have a desire  
to do. It does NOT mean I've forgotten him, or don't love him or that  
he isn't important. Oddly enough, It meant and means a great deal to  
me to have my poor cat Grant's ashes home. Although, had I had a  
place to bury him, I might feel more the same as I do about my Dad.  
The point for me there was Grant came home from the vet finally and  
the "waiting" feeling I had vanished. I can certainly not imagine  
visiting the graves of people I only know through other people, even  
if they were my parents. I certainly wouldn't expect it in a young  
person, and then Harry has so much of them around him in other ways,  
it's got to practically be as though they aren't dead to him.  
Everyone adult he knows knew them and seem to talk about them quite a  
lot (even if we don't have details - and  yes, I'm sure that is  
deliberate for book 7), he's got moving pictures. Someone who  
probably would give Harry details is MadEye and he handled the photo  
thing so clumsily, *I* wouldn't have asked deeper questions if I'd  
been Harry either. That was, indeed, a most deeply disturbing little  
stunt Mad-Eye pulled (though I'm certain there was no ESE or anything  
else involved. It's just how he is. He is almost innured to horror by  
now.) The only time Harry might really have time to think about it is  
when he is out of school and he'd have a snowballs chance in hell of  
getting the Dursley's to take him to see their graves (or tombs or  
whatever is the more ususual form of interment for witches and  
wizards. ) and now as he's gotten older, he's got some pretty big  
crap to worry about instead. It's different at the end of 6. Harry is  
suddenly becoming proactive instead of reactive, so, yeah, he does  
finally think of going back to GH. I can't wait.
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