[HPforGrownups] Re: CHAPDISC: HBP 29, The Phoenix Lament

[Sherry Gomes]

No: HPFGUIDX 164101

Julie
6. In ch5 p92 (UK ed.) Molly says (of Bill and Fleur) "It was the 
same last time he was powerful, people eloping right left and 
centre -" yet Lupin seems here to be an exception, holding out 
against this all-too-human reaction in times of war. Do you find 
this consistent with his character? Given the close friends he has 
lost, do you understand him wanting to keep Tonks at arm's length, 
or do you agree with Molly that he's being ridiculous? How does his 
behaviour regarding Tonks compare with Harry's later break-up with 
Ginny?
 
I do understand Lupin wanting to keep Tonks at arm's length, as 
he's been doing that with people all his life, to protect himself
and from his POV to protect others. He's been doing that to Harry
all along too. It's selfish behavior though. If Tonks (or Harry, 
or whoever) knows who and what he is and is willing to assume the
risk of loving him, then the courageous thing for Lupin to do is
to honor that risk by taking the same risk back. I'm still waiting 
for Lupin to show his true Gryffindor colors and do this :-(

 
Sherry now:

I have a very different take on this.  Lupin represents disability and
illness.  He has lived his life being shunned and feared by the majority of
the world in which he lives.  As a disabled person, I can say that my
parents never raised me to be that way, but I know *many* disabled people
who have been taught to believe they should not inflict themselves on an
nondisabled person, especially in the case of love and marriage.  I can't
tell you how many times people have said to me that as a blind person, I
should only marry a blind person because I would be too much work for a
sighted man.  Even though I've lived independently, safely and productively
for years.  There is such a stigma in the world associated with people who
have disabilities.  I don't allow myself to buy into it, but I know far too
many people who do.

So, with Lupin.  Not only does he have a disability, he has a deadly
disability.  In spite of his parents and DD and his friends, most of whom
are dead, he's been taught, by bitter life experience, to believe he isn't
as good as the rest of his world, that he's dangerous and unworthy.  Though
I violently disagreed with his feelings about being involved with Tonks, I
completely understood why he would have those feelings.  They really broke
my heart for him and Tonks.  I was glad that either he, or Tonks or a
combination of both, didn't let him give into that way of thinking.

Sherry