Ron WAS: Re: DH reread CH 4-5

[Carol]

No: HPFGUIDX 186278

Magpie wrote:
> I don't think we could ever really say who was a better friend, since everybody's going to define the terms to suit the person they think is better. But I will say that Ron's role as friend is to be consistently supportive of Harry where Harry's role to Ron does not involve that. Ron's doing what he's not supposed to do when he leaves Harry or when he accuses Harry of putting his name in the Goblet. But for the most part Ron's role is to back Harry up and he does it constantly. 
> 
> By contrast, this just isn't asked for Harry about Ron. When Ron's having problems the most Harry needs to do is vaguely think about how uncomfortable it is for him to deal with. Like in OotP when Ron's really having a hard time of it with Quidditch, it's not like Harry needs to be there helping him (say the way Hermione drilled Harry before the Tri-Wizard tasks). In fact, at one point Harry just snaps that at least Ron is allowed to play Quidditch, so he should be happy. When Ron has his triumph Harry isn't even there cheering him on. When Ron and Hermione quarrel Harry's mind is on how it effects him. When Ron and Harry fight in GoF Ron has to make up to Harry for accusing him of putting his name in the Goblet but Harry never has to apologize to Ron for accusing him of wanting to be Harry.
> 
> Part of this is being in Harry's head--if we were in Ron's head we'd probably be getting a lot of Ron thinking about how things effect him too. But a bigger part is I think the roles they each have in their friendship and Harry's a very high maintenance friend that gets along with Ron partially because most of the time Ron's pretty easy-going and follows more naturally than he leads. 
<snip>

Carol responds:
I think you're right on the money here. Of course, in Harry's defense, he does have bigger challenges and problems than most wizarding kids, whether it's having his name put in the Goblet of Fire or having a mental connection to Voldemort or (of course) being the number one person on Voldemort's hit list. It's possible that he wouldn't be so self-absorbed if he weren't in almost constant danger. (I don't think we can know whether he would have been as arrogant as James if he hadn't been taught humility by the Dursleys, so I won't go there.)

At any rate, I agree that we almost never see Harry empathizing with anybody else (except briefly and silently with Neville after he learns the fate of Neville's parents and even more briefly with the teenage Snape after the Pensieve excursion). He's willing to jump into action to save people he thinks need saving from physical danger (Hermione from the troll; Fleur's sister; Sirius Black), but he isn't much better than Ron ("you have the emotional depth of a teaspoon!") wehn it comes to understanding Cho's tears or Ron's insecurity/envy or Seamus's divided loyalties (his mother vs. Harry) in OoP. He does, however, want loyalty and moral support himself. (His whole attitude toward, say, Zacharias Smith is, essentially, if you don't understand that I don't want to talk about Cedric, than you're against me. No attempt whatever to understand that Zach might want to know what happened to Hufflepuff's only hero or even care about him as a person.) His solution to almost every dilemma is physical--hide the HBP's book; learn a new spell; fight the bad guy; rescue the victim; order a House-Elf not to hurt himself.

Ron's job is, as you say, "to be consistently supportive," not just emotional and moral support but actually joining him on most of his quests and adventures and believing whatever he says (Voldemort is back and I fought him; I didn't put my name in the Goblet; Sirius has been captured and needs to be rescued). Practical advice and research, OTOH, is Hermione's job. Ron is the loyal sidekick (emphasis on loyal) and, occasionally, a source of fun or humor (in contrast to Hermione). He also understands and shares Harry's obsession with Quidditch as Hermione (understandably!) does not. When Ron fails to believe Harry or when he gets angry and leaves him, the consequences are much more dire than they would be if Harry did the same thing to Ron, but Harry has neither the opportunity nor the motive to leave Ron (any more than Frodo would leave Sam, the movie to the contrary). Harry needs Ron, even if Ron (after the first year or two) seldom teaches him anything or offers practical advice. It's a lot easier to fight the most evil Wizard in the world if you have a loyal (and usually cheerful) friend and companion. And, of course, his initial attraction to Ron is based on Ron's connection to the WW and to his family, which Harry, the orphaned outsider, initially envies and later becomes part of.

What, though, does Ron get out of the friendship? Dangerous encounters with enchanted chessmen and Acromantulas and Animagi who drag him by the leg and Death Eaters who try to kill him? Fame by association with the Boy who Lived and sometime Quidditch champion against whom he can't possibly measure up? (True, they have fun cheating on their Divination homework together and Harry isn't critical of Ron's home and family, in marked contrast to Draco Malfoy.) Is it that Harry gives him almost unconditional acceptance? He doesn't judge Ron for his poverty, having been forced to wear Dudley's hand-me-downs and sleep in the cupboard under the stairs, and he doesn't expect him to live up to his brothers' achievements. He just likes Ron for himself. It seems to me that in SS/PS, they both needed a friend and found one who suited them. Maybe that initial bond, in which Ron is for once the authority on something, was all it took to form a lasting friendship. 

It just doesn't seem to me as if he gets as much out of the friendship as Harry does. Maybe that's why he so badly needs praise and recognition for his own achievements from Hermione.

Carol, glad that she doesn't have any famous friends!